Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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