Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
