Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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