I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
