Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
