it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need a burrito and a hug.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
