It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The air taste purple.
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