I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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