the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
