i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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