Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
my liver is dry heaving
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
