I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
