I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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