He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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