I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
