Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
