Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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