my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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