All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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