i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
