I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
