U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
