The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
