my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
