Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
