I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Text me some of your sweat
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
