Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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