if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think your dad took our porno
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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