I'm so fucking centered right now
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
