He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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