so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
