Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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