Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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