Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
