You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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