You smell like a Billy Joel song
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
