Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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