Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
