i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
