moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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