the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
