I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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