i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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