I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
There's even glitter on my cock...
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