Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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