I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
