p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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