please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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