Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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