she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
