wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
