My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There r osticjed everywhere
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
